Grade 4 Drama

I haven't posted for a while mostly because I was really struggling with how to put into words the who and the how (and mostly the why) of our recent upsets. I think I have taken a step back enough now to get my message, a very important one, across to anyone and everyone who may stumble upon this post.

Three weeks ago, biggirl came home from school with baggage. I knew, as soon as she entered the door that things were going to be rocky...but never could I imagine just how rocky!

We were in a rush to get urgent homework done because she had gymnastics. Even if I know very well that being in a rush never results in a positive output with kids, I was struggling to get her settled with a notebook and pencil without much success when the doorbell rang.

I opened the door to the very distraught father of a girl in biggirl's class who asked to speak to me privately. I am sure he saw the question marks in my eyes as I followed him outside.

The father had shown up to inform me that biggirl was intimidating his daughter at school so much that they had considered changing schools, that biggirl was taking his daughter's friends away one by one, that she was the leader of the "pack", that she had splashed water in her face that day, etc., etc.... I was blown away, I could not feel my legs, my heart was pounding, I knew I had hives all over (which a glance in the mirror confirmed when I finally came back inside)... I kept telling him that I didn't understand, that biggirl was often coming home crying that no one would sit with her, that she had no one to play with, that no one wanted to be her friend...
Anyways, I vowed to fulfill my parental duty and speak with biggirl about the situation and call him later that evening. Biggirl confirmed the water splashing but for the rest of the "accusations" we were at a loss...really.

As promised, I dialed the father's number later that evening and offered that we meet, both girls and both set of parents later that week. They did not have time to meet with us.

Since he used the word "intimidation" which is a very powerful and serious accusation, I asked him which other incidents had occurred between the two girls for him to want his daughter to change schools. There were none.

I asked him to call me back at the end of the week to let me know if there was still a problem. He accepted. The call never came.

After thinking about this over and over and over again these past weeks, I guess my goal in writing this is for adults to realize that yes bullying and intimidation exist and they definitely are a serious problem in schoolyards. However, there is a big difference between normal grade 4 drama and intimidation.

Before we go knocking on anyone's door, as parents we have to take a step back, breathe, and think. Grade 4 is tough (on kids and parents alike) but so is life. We may want to protect our daughters from the mean words, angry glares, and jealous stares of their peers but let's face it, they are going to have to deal with them their entire lives, the best thing we can do is help them deal with it, encourage them to believe in themselves and empower them with strong self-esteem.


When you are 10 years old today's "I won't have anything to do with you" could be tomorrow's BFF...go figure. That, it seems, is just the way it is.

As a parent, I don't expect biggirl to be best friends with everyone but I do expect her to be fair, polite, and respectful with whomever she comes across in life. Of course, I hope others return the favor, including grade 4 parents...